Curiously Funny Headlines

In doing research, I occasionally happen upon headlines that are too good to not to write down. The following are from old issues of "The Asbury Park Press" and "The Asbury Park Journal," usually around 1910. (I neglected to take down the dates of some.) Several of these headlines have a tragic element, but our shameless little chuckle comes from the way the headline or subheadline is expressed or in the brief account of what happened.

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NOSE BITTEN OFF
(Hackensack) Michael Robel was held on a charge of mayhem yesterday by a justice of the peace. He is charged with having bitten off the nose of Samuel Ferrenz...Dr. McDonald dressed the injured man's face and the severed nose was preserved in a bottle for evidence.

HICCOUGH VICTIM IN CRITICAL CONDITION
Convulsions Cease But Rev. J.W. Laughlin is Now Suffering From Water on Brain, Induced by Spasms, Which Have Now Been Controlled For 48 Hours.

"BANANA ANNA" WILL STAND TRIAL
Hazlet Accident Artist Withdraws Plea of Guilty

WOULDN'T SHOW COURT HER ANKLE FOR $10,000
Young Lady Suing Central Railroad For Injuries Sustained at Highlands Scorns Counsel's Suggestion and Jury Gives Her Only $600 [Smart lawyer, huh?]

ADVERTISEMENT:
Many a mother has sent her child to its ultimate death along with the nickel which purchased the impure, unwholesome product called candy. OUR CANDY IS ABSOLUTELY PURE.
(APP Jan. 9, 1991, Couse Candy)

WRITES LOVE NOTE THEN KILLS SELF
Jamsburg Man Sits on Bed, Puts Gun To Breast and Pulls Trigger With Toe.
(Feb. 24, 1911)

PARALYTIC CURED BY 14,000 MILE SEA TRIP
Barnard Weisman, Formerly of Point Pleasant, Owes His Life to Wife Who Smuggled Him From San Francisco in Mummy Case.

OPERA SINGER'S SWORD PIERCES MAN'S HEAD
Mordkin's Steel Slips From Hilt and Mortally Injures Spectator who is Well-Known Among Summer Visitors in Asbury Park. Strangest Accident Known.
("Asbury Park Journal", Jan. 20, 1911)

CORPSE SITS UP AND SETTLES ANGRY ROW BETWEEN TWO ANGRY CORONERS
They were fighting to See Who Would Hold an Inquest Over the Body of Burlington Man When He Suddenly Came to Life. ("Asbury Park Journal", Dec. 2, 1910)

CITY'S FIRE HORSES HAVE BEEN INSULTED
Chief Hope Tells City Council Faithful Animal's Felt Respect Has Been Injured by Street Department Gutter Work. Horses Are Specialists in Their Line.
("Asbury Park Journal", Jan. 17, 1911)

STARVING DOGS ATTACK CORPSE WHILE CRAZED MOTHER LOOKS ON
James Kennedy on Visiting Old Home Finds One Parent Dead and His Mother Demented. Had Watched the Body of Her Husband Three Days Without Food.
("Asbury Park Journal", Dec. 12, 1910)

SEVEN HORSES ROASTED IN FLAMES THAT CONSUME STEINBACH WAREHOUSE
("Asbury Park Journal", Dec. 30, 1910)

DREAMED HE WAS DEAD; AWOKE A RAVING MANIAC
Joseph Palmer, After Short Sleep, Told His Wife of Horrible Dream and then Became Insane. Is Locked Up At Police Headquarters After Struggle.
("Asbury Park Journal", Jan. 4, 1911)

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